Why I Don’t Fit In: Mothers Who Feel They Don’t Belong

Motherhood is often painted in broad strokes: a joyful, linear path of raising children within a clear social narrative. Yet for many women, the experience of mothering is anything but typical. Their journey may be marked by grief, complexity, or judgment, leaving them feeling as though they don’t quite belong. This post is for those mothers: the ones whose experiences don’t fit the mould.

Why I Don’t Fit In: Mothers Who Experienced Loss

For those who have experienced miscarriage, abortion, or the death of a child, Mother’s Day, and indeed, everyday life, can bring a quiet ache. Love poured out without a child to hold may feel invisible to others. Yet that love is no less real. Grief may linger long after the world expects you to ‘move on.’ Memories may flicker unexpectedly — a name you once imagined, a milestone never reached, or the emptiness in family gatherings. If this is your experience, your love still matters. Your mothering, though shaped by loss, has left its mark.

Why I Don’t Fit In: Mothers by Adoption or IVF

Mothers who adopt or carry another’s embryo through IVF often find themselves navigating unspoken questions about "real" motherhood. While their love is fierce and unwavering, they may feel pressure to prove their bond or manage complicated emotions around their child’s birth family. Adoptive and IVF mothers carry deep emotional labour: holding space for their child’s story while forging their own connection. If this is your experience, your love is no less valid. Your family is woven from courage, intention, and unwavering care.

Why I Don’t Fit In: Mothers of Disabled Children

Parenting a child with disabilities can feel isolating. While others celebrate milestones that arrive "on time," your journey may follow a different rhythm. Social situations may feel strained, and you may face judgment or exclusion. Yet your love speaks a language that goes beyond words: attuned to small victories, moments of connection, and quiet resilience. If this is your experience, your presence is powerful. The care you offer shapes your child’s world in profound ways, even when others fail to see it.

Why I Don’t Fit In: Mothers Who Challenge Expectations

Some mothers feel they don’t belong because their circumstances challenge social expectations. Perhaps you became a mother younger or older than those around you. Perhaps you are judged because of your race, religion, nationality, gender identity, or the way you choose to parent. Facing this judgment can be exhausting, leaving you feeling unseen or misunderstood, asking yourself why you don't fit in. If this is your experience, your story still belongs. Your love defies stereotypes, and your presence carries strength, even when others fail to recognise it.

Embracing the Unseen Mother

For those who feel they don’t fit in, Mother’s Day can be a difficult reminder of what’s missing, or a celebration that feels out of reach. Yet motherhood is not defined by perfect images or social approval. It is found in the quiet acts of love: the silent grieving, the steadfast care, the courage to show up despite judgment or uncertainty. To all the mothers who ask themselves why they don’t fit in, you matter. Your love matters. Your story is valid, and your presence has shaped the lives around you. Today, and every day, your mothering deserves to be seen and honoured.